My Dusty Old Shelf

I can't believe the last time I was here, I wrote about my graduation, and now I am writing about mummy essentials! I am now a junior doctor and a mother to a gorgeous 8 month old baby girl. Currently taking nine months off work to spend time with my baby and my loved ones and it has been absolutely wonderful!  Quite a lot of my friends are also new or expecting mums and it has been so lovely having people to share knowledge and experience with. So without further ado! Since my list of "newborn essentials" is quite extensive, I have divided it up to mummy's and baby's.  (Also, I am a fully breastfeeding mummy so a lot of these items will not apply to you if you are not planning to breastfeed) 1. Nursing pillow You will spend an incredible amount of time breastfeeding, especially in the early days. Find one that's firm so your baby is well-supported.  I got a simple U shaped pillow with a removable cover - it gets covered in spit up in no time lol. We also used...

Alhamdulillah. Just over two months ago, I graduated from med school. Something that I occasionally thought might not happen. This girl's a doctor! After two years of IB. Five years of medicine. Countless exams. I actually made it. And now, I've just entered my second month working as a junior doctor. I've struggled a lot through med school. My confidence has been knocked down time and time again, and towards the end of it, I honestly had close to zero confidence left. I was worried about my capabilities as a medical student, let alone a doctor. Alhamdulillah after a month working, I can confirm that how we do in med school doesn't correlate to how good a doctor we will be. I am slowly building back my confidence. I am so thankful for all the love and support that I've received from my family and friends. My mum and dad's prayers. And my husband. God, there were difficult days where I were at my lowest. He would always be there to help me get u...

Alhamdulillah. On Friday, the 21st of December, we tied the knot! We were high school sweethearts. We met when we were in Form 1. We became friends then later classmates. I had a huge crush on him in Form 2 (gatai naa). I pretended I didn't have an HB pencil to use for lukisan teknik so I could continuously borrow his. Oh young love HAHAH kalau anak aku macam ni, aku sepak. We started dating not long after and continued so until the end of school. And our story takes a break there. We went our separate ways after school ended and we barely kept in touch. We both met other people, and we never saw each other for 5 years. As fate would have it, we met again about a year and a half ago. We both thought the other wasn't single and just caught up as friends. And the rest were just a blur. I knew I fell for him again when we were driving around aimlessly in my car and I had to look away from his smile because I felt like my heart was about to burst. And I never wante...

As time goes on, I honestly feel like I have a problem with commitment. To this blog I mean. Haha Sooooooo I made it to final year! Woohoo! Who would've thought, seriously. I'm pretty hopeless with my studies... And I can't believe it's already November! It's SJT next month and I am scareddddd. A part of me wants to stay and finish my training here but another part of me just reallyyy wants to go home. 5 years away is a little too long. (+ the 2 years in Banting too which makes 7). So for now, I am applying for a junior doctor job in the UK. But working or not working tu, we'll cross that bridge when we get there.

It's 5 minutes to 4am and I am currently wide awake and typing away. Only been back a day and it's already electives. Which is so stupid tbh. It gives very little room to rest and prepare. So I'm trying to make the best of my horrible jetlag, by reading up on Paeds stuff before I start today. Obviously not doing a very good job since I'm blogging right now but oh well. I want to talk about happy things now to take my mind off this sense of dread. . . . So I arrived yesterday evening at 10pm. My parents had work the next day and there were no late night flights from KL to JB. Of course my dad said he'll pick me up but I really didn't want him to make the long journey and have to miss the next day of work.  So fiancé to the rescueeee. But... he thought I was arriving at 11pm. I have no idea why. He had my flight tickets, my itinerary and I probably have mentioned it to him once or twice (or a hundred times ...) Okay, maybe I know why. I kept telling...

Only three months left until fourth year ends. And I still feel like I know nothing. It's actually kinda scary. In less than a year, I would be sitting my final, final exam. (Well given that I pass fourth year this summer...) And I would not trust my life to myself if I were my own doctor HAHAHA Okay no, please trust me, future patients!! This year has been pretty tough. A lot has happened and a lot are happening. I gotta step up my game. I haven't studied, let alone revise.  My plan is to khatam buku Clinical Specialties and Clinical Medicine. Because I am soooo lazy. And I think it's a start? Ngeheh :P I bought myself a £3 weekly organiser so I could trick myself into thinking that I am actually organised, in hopes that I will become organised at some point. Good luck lah kan. Well anyway, I cannot afford a resit this year. With electives, and my clinginess... I need my full summer break. It's already short enough as it is -__- Please pray f...

Soooooo overdue. I turned 24 almost 2 months ago. But I've gotten so bad at updating my blog, it's actually insane. So, 24. Almost a quarter of a century old. But to be honest, I still feel like I'm 18. (And hopefully look it too HAHA) I have achieved things that I want to achieve. And I also still have so much more to do. I have figured out some parts of my life, made plans for it, and hoping for the best. But I still have so much more to learn. I had one of the best birthdays this year. Showered with so many thoughtful wishes and prayers. And I was able to enjoy myself. Fully. I am blessed. Truly blessed. With everything that has happened this past year, I never thought I could be here. My 23rd year of living was a roller coaster ride. Fast, with sudden dives and totally not under my control. And this bliss that I feel right now, there's no word for it. To my 24th year of living, may it be filled with love, lessons and light. As it will be m...

On my 17th birthday in 2011, a little boy gave me this scarf. He said it was for me to bring along when I go and study overseas.  At that time, I had no idea if I even had the capability of doing so. I was 17. Far from finishing school. And my grades? Nowhere near good enough to study medicine in Malaysia, let alone overseas.  But this chubby-cheeked little boy thought that I would.  Three years later, I got an offer to study in Liverpool and Belfast (and of course I ended up going to Belfast).  What was the first thing I packed?  That lovely tartan scarf that was still neatly folded inside its box, and unused for four years. Fast forward 7 years, this scarf has kept me warm in Belfast, Paris, Copenhagen, Venice and the list goes on and will continue to grow. When he first saw photos of me wearing the scarf, he was so excited.  Little brother, thank you for believing in me when I never did.  Even back then. Because h...

Alhamdulillah. I recently turned 23 a few days ago. So hard to believe since I still feel like I'm fifteen sometimes haha. I have thoroughly enjoyed being 22. So many milestones, achievements, memories and of course, the usual challenges and obstacles. I know when I don't smile I look angry. I'm happy on the inside guys.  To Kak Mali, Kak Bella, Kak ZZ and Tsara, thank you so much for the cutest start to my birthday! It was a B&B themed birthday brunch. No idea why. But the cakes were yummy and the food were so good. Tsara & Kak ZZ got me the cuuuutest gift. In the evening, my friends came over to "surprise" me. It honestly was really awesome haha. Can't say much about it. They cooked and planned everything together. Some even decided to wear pink! My gert. Top L to R: Salman, Hazeem, Hafiz, Miriam, Peter, Eden. Bottom L to R: Nick, Michael, Sarah, moi, Okwu. I am just so so thankful to have these weirdos in my life. Th...

LONG OVERDUE POST. So, a few months ago, me and a few friends rented a car and drove to Ballycastle. Our main goal of the trip was to go to Rathlin Island, a small island off the coast of Antrim and the most northern point of Northern Ireland!  You can get to Rathlin by going through the motorway which would be much faster but we opted for the Coastal Route where we drove along Northern Ireland's gorgeous coastline.  I swear the longer journey was worth every minute!  From Ballycastle, we took a ferry to Rathlin. A return ticket costs  £ 12 for adults. Rathlin Island is home to many sea birds and wildlife that you wouldn't normally see. So this island is really popular amongst birdwatchers and biologists.  I would suggest buying the tickets in advance at the  Rathlin Ferry  website so you wouldn't have to wait around for the next available ferry. We arrived at 10am, hoping to get on the 11.15 ferry but had to wait for the 1pm one ...

Alhamdulillah, after quite a struggle, I finally made it to third year :) I finally made it to my clinical years! Yay meeeee. Halfway through my medical school journey I guess. Where did all the time go?  I honestly feel like I've just arrived in Belfast a few weeks ago. I've been trying to keep my sh*t together before I start third year. Honestly, I can't keep cutting my summer holiday short because of another resit exam -__- Ugh. Even though I keep screwing up, Allah still gives me a chance to keep going and I can't be any more thankful (or maybe I could...) You can do this Nabilah! New term resolutions coming up!

Alhamdulillah, we have reached the fourth night of Ramadhan. It feels great to be able to spend Ramadhan with my family. Ramadhan is a holy month where there is nothing stopping you from doing good, besides yourself. (Shaytaans have been tied up people. If we're still doing bad things, that's all on us). I hope that this can be a turning point for me, to properly improve myself. I hope both of us can make the best out of this month. Starting a life is not easy. And I hope that we both have enough knowledge and wisdom to embark on this journey together. All the best everyone. May Allah ease all the good things that we wish to do. And may the good changes we make this month, become permanent. Ramadhan kareem :)

I have realised yet again that I am absolutely rubbish at keeping a blog. Every time I get the burst of inspiration to write something, I never have the time. And when I do have time, I have no idea what to write about. Alhamdulillah, I have reached the end of my pre-clinical phase of medical school. Huh, not even halfway through medical school and I'm already half dead haha. Exams are in less than a month and I still have so much revision ahead of me. I kindly beg for your prayers that I will do well :( My End of Phase battle plan is as follows: 1. Make a revision schedule according to my exam schedule.  Since my exam schedule has gaps in between papers, I will have time to sort of revise that subject beforehand. And surprisingly, there's like a five-day gap between by OSCEs and my Physiology paper, giving me ample time to study. So I sort of can put off studying Physiology and focus on other subjects. 2. Go through ALL lectures.  Focus on the subjects that I am ...

Alhamdulillah. Another year has passed and I have aged another year (two days ago). Haha My 21st year of living has proven to be a challenging year. More challenges to come I'm sure. I sort of promised myself that I'd update this blog more often but.. Whenever I'm in the mood to blog, I won't have any ideas what to blog about. When I do have ideas, I usually have no time to. Okay, whatever it is, I just wanted to talk about the people who made turning 22 special. My family who decided to wish me a happy birthday hours early, because they said that since I was born in Malaysia, my birthday is according to Malaysia's time zone +8! Thank you to my wonderful mother who gave birth to me. My father who raised us in such a way that we turned out the way we are now. And my baby brothers, no matter how old you are, you're still my babies forever. (Reallyyyyyy old picture from like 3 years ago because I couldn't find a recent family photo that'...

So yes, as most people have already found out, I am back in Belfast. About two months earlier than I should. I can't count the number of people who asked me why. I can't be bothered to answer. I'm repeating a paper. Yes, a paper. From way back when in Sem 1 when I was not focused enough and my egotistical self underestimated how difficult the exam would be. But fret not, I learnt from my mistakes and I did quite well in Sem 2 alhamdulillah :) So all I ask now is for your prayers and forgiveness. It's quite tough here in Queen's. If I fail this time around, I have to "withdraw from the course" or in other words, they're kicking me out. So I am desperate for all the help and prayers I can get. May Allah bless you.

It's Tuesday, so it's clinical attachment day! Yay....... Hey, don't get me wrong, I do enjoy my time at my GP Surgery but yeah, it's the second day of class after a long break. No one's really in the mood quite yet, or at least I'm not. Haha So, lately I've been getting a lot of questions from my juniors, my friends' juniors, and acquaintances about Medicine. What it's like. How do you get in. How smart do you have to be. etc. How do it even answer all those questions? Firstly let me tell you this, whatever I've said to you or what I will say is based purely on my own experiences and opinions . So please don't make your decisions solely on what I said. Disclaimer. Hahaha Medicine is not an easy course, which I'm sure everybody knows. To get in, it takes a lot of work and once you're in, it takes even more work. You should know that no two medical schools are alike so pleaseeeee don't ask me things like "which ...

Half a year has passed since I started in Queen's and I have to admit that it's hard .  No I know studying for a degree isn't a walk in the park or what but it's just so much harder than I anticipated it to be. Long hours in class, journeys to the hospital etc. And when I have free time, I feel guilty if I don't study. Whaaaaaaaat is that?  I've been having second thoughts about my future and I'm still feeling undecided.  Just hoping to clear things out really really soon or I might burst.  So now, I'm currently on my Spring break for three weeks. And after some deliberating, I chose to spend my spring break in Malaysia. Kumpul semangat orang kata. InsyaAllah.

Tomorrow is the second Monday of the second semester. Life passes us by just like that , doesn't it? Second semester proves to be far more challenging than the first. And I practically crawled through my first semester. Gah. So how will I get through my second semester? Any way of travelling that is more loser-y than crawling. Results come out in two days and I expect the worse. Not being a pessimist or anything. I know my input, I predict my output. My input was minimal so I guess my output will be dismal. But still, faith in Allah right? Haha what is this Nabilah, tawakal tanpa usaha -___- Well anyway, on a brighter note, I'm 21! Like two weeks ago. Hahaha 21st birthday on the 21st of January. Alhamdulillah, I've been given a chance to go through another year, in hopes that I will be closer to Allah. On an even bright er note, I celebrated my birthday three times this year. Hahaha First, with the girls of my house who baked me an awesome cheesecake e...

Lately, I've been feeling like I am so far away from Allah... And it makes me feel guilty that I've only come to realise this when I'm struggling for my exams. Astaghfirullah. Nak jadi apa ni Nabilah...  Yet Allah gives me another chance. Again, and again, and again. How amazing is He... This made me realise that I have no rights whatsoever over anything. Forgive, forget, give another chance. If Allah, Tuhan kita yang Maha Besar tu boleh asyik bagi kita peluang no matter how many times we screw up like hell, kita ni siapa nak marah orang kalau dia buat silap? "You take one step towards Allah, He will take ten steps towards you. If you walk towards Allah, He will run towards you."  -Hadith Qudsi- How small, insignificant and dismal we are. How amazing is He. Yet we act like we don't need Him. Learn Nabilah, LEARN.

I just came back from Paris a few days ago from a six-day trip. 3 days in Disneyland and 3 days in the city of Paris. To write down everything that happened in those six days would be impossible, so I'll just mention the highlights of our trip. 1. Disneyland Paris! Second time here and I still found it to be as magical as it was 9 years ago. We stayed at Disney's Hotel Cheyenne. Our package entitled us to two extra hours before the park opens everyday! No queues and not many people so we could take loadsssss of pictures! We also had vouchers for all-you-can-eat buffets. So yes, if any of you are planning to go, trust me, a day is not enough. The average queue time for each ride is about 60 minutes. And Disneyland Paris is huge. 2. Arc de Triomphe You HAVE to be fit to reach the top of this monument. Entry is free for EU residents under 26. From the ticket booth to the top, there is a spiral staircase that seems endless. Haha The view from the top is definitel...